Wondering Why

Have you ever been faced with a situation that left you puzzled and wondering what you had done to deserve it? I know I have.

I remember a time in my life when I was enduring a very rough depression due to a very toxic love relationship. My life at the time was totally upside down. I was hungry for true love, but I didn’t know where to find it; it seemed so scarce for me. One day, after many attempts, I accepted my mother’s invitation to her church. There, I found such joy and love, and at the same time, feelings of unworthiness. I didn’t understand how those very opposed feelings could cohabit in one event.

I didn’t realize what was happening at the time. Later I learned that Jesus was initiating my personal process of redemption—my way back to Him.

A very similar scenario is described in Genesis 43. Famine continues in the Land of Canaan. Jacob’s sons must return to Egypt for the second time to purchase more food. One brother, Simeon, is in prison in Egypt, held as ransom until they bring their younger brother Benjamin with them.

Joseph’s brothers are bringing not only Benjamin, but also gifts and double the amount of money required—one portion to be returned and the other portion to buy more food. When they arrive, Joseph’s brothers are faced with a perplexing situation. The Egyptian governor has invited them to his table. They don’t understand this invitation. They are afraid, yet they have no other choice but to accept.

His brothers don’t know it, but Joseph is getting ready to reveal himself to them at his own table. Joseph is willing to forgive his brothers’ past attempt to murder him due to their jealousy and envy. He will not ask them to pay him according to what they deserve. At Joseph’s table, we encounter a family relationship restored.

God the Father delights in making a similar invitation to the broken, the unworthy, the angry, and the lost. Because of His extravagant love, God does not show favoritism. His ultimate purpose is reconciliation. This is the only thing that matters for Him, and He will do the inconceivable to accomplish it.

In my own spiritual journey, I finally understood what I was hungry for; I was hungry for Him! Jesus restored my communion with God and my neighbor. Like Simeon, I was liberated from prison, taken a bit puzzled to an abundant table, but ultimately satiated. Like Judah, I felt as though I had been given a second chance to amend my past mistakes.

Jesus is so full of mercy! I don’t deserve anything, but He has given me everything. I may wonder why, but, like Joseph’s brothers, I choose to receive an undeserved gift. He is my portion; therefore, I am blessed.

I love the way the Amplified translation described this reality in Mathew 5:6—“Blessed [joyful, nourished by God’s goodness] are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness [those who actively seek right standing with God], for they will be [completely] satisfied.”

Vivi Flores

Vivi Flores was born and raised in Lima, Peru. She and her husband, Jose, currently minister to the Hispanic community through the C&MA Vida Nueva Church in Suwanee, Georgia, which they planted in 2010. Vivi serves as the church’s worship director and is currently serving in the Spanish Eastern District as the women’s director. She is also a contributor to Mujer Magazine for which she writes content for the “Mujer Virtuosa” (Virtuous Woman) section. Vivi and Jose have two children, Marcelo, age 16, and Angelo, age 13.

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